Thanks and Wishes

It’s the time of year for Giving Thanks, but also a time of Wishing. This is the first year I have realized how interesting it is that these two seasons (that now seem to land on top of each other) – compliment and also oppose each other.

I think this all became more real for me this week as I taught kids about the 10th commandment; one I admittedly struggle with. Depending on how you want to interpret it – it basically states – be content with what you have and don’t want what your neighbor has. What a lesson for this time of year when we all can come up with a million things to be thankful for and also a million things for our wish list.

It’s easy to start with the things I am thankful for. Most importantly: a wonderful marriage that has survived a few stressful events over the past 10 years, 3 healthy, wonderful children, and dependable friends and family who are always there when I need someone to lean on.

But as I go deeper into my thanks list – my wishes list starts to creep up.

My Thanks and Wishes when I think about my Kelly:

I am SOOO very thankful that she is a healthy little girl who had the fight in her to beat an infection and cancer 4 years ago.
My Wish for her is that she continues to be that healthy girl and will continue to fight against whatever threatens to bring her down.

I am SOOO very thankful that I have a long list of specialists in my phone that are one phone call away, but that we only see once or twice a year at this point.
My Wish is that together those specialists and I can continue to work together to do everything we can to maintain Kelly’s health.

I am SOOOO very thankful that we have jobs and medical insurance that helps us pay for all those specialists and the procedures that make sure we are doing everything we can to keep her healthy.
My Wish for my Kelly is that someone, somewhere (and I don’t do politics) will fix the healthcare system so that medical insurance and medical bills do not dictate Kelly’s choices in life.

I am SOOOO very thankful for St. Jude, Dr. Davidoff, and all the staff there who truly changed the course of Kelly’s (and our) life.
My Wish is that St. Jude will continue to receive the support they need to continue to change children’s lives and find cures for cancer.

I am SOOOO very thankful that Kelly is in Kindergarten, on schedule with her peers, and not receiving special services at this time.
My Wish is for her to feel successful and proud of herself. Life in general is challenging for Kelly and truthfully she struggles just to keep up. I hope that she finds something she enjoys and succeeds at, so she can have the confidence a girl needs to carry her far in life.

Of course my thanks and my wishes for my older two children are unique to each of them, but primarily I am soo very thankful for the unique talents that God has blessed them with and my wishes for them are that they use those gifts to grow into amazing, gracious, and caring individuals.

I guess as we get older people stop asking us for our “wish list” and some adults turn their “wish lists” into “bucket lists.” As some members of my extended family are off around the world, crossing things off their “bucket lists” someone asked me what’s on my “bucket list”. At this point, I have one item on that list.

Chris and I are working on getting 3 kids successfully through school and hopefully college.

Then – maybe 15 years from now – we may just add some things to that list. And you know what – for me – that is a great “bucket list” to have.
Sure, some days I want what my neighbor has, but then I realize and give thanks for what I do have and I am okay with my 1 item “bucket list”.

But when it comes to my 3 children, I will continue to have a million “wishes” for them.

Praying in this season of thanks and wishes that you find more things to be thankful for and that your wishes come true!

Successful Failure

I've decided I need to be more successful at embracing the "F" word. For that matter I encourage you to embrace the "F" word too. Go ahead. You can say it: "Failure." There, don't you feel better already?!

A couple of weeks ago I read an article that suggested the church fails when we fail to teach people how to fail well. It was this line that caught my attention: "Christians need leaders - and institutions - to train us in how to fail."

Train people in how to fail? Admit it. That's liberating! If there's one thing most of us really think we are good at, it is failure.

To be sure, none of us want to be good at the "F" word, but we seem to come by it naturally. We don't even need to practice. And yet, to some extent we are all fearful of failure.

In a recent article on the "F" word, Kathleen Parker observed that our obsession with success and our fear of failure has trickled down to ever-younger humans, our children, at great cost . . . . We're so afraid our kids won't measure up that we drive them crazy with overbooked schedules and expectations, and then create a sense of entitlement by insisting on assigning blame elsewhere when their performance is lackluster.

Why are we so afraid for our kids to fail? Why are we so afraid to fail ourselves?

When the church becomes yet another place where demands are made . . . When we drive people crazy with burdens too heavy to bear and people get the subtle message that they are not good enough, we are no different from the rest of the world.

So how can the church be the church? Train people in how to fail. Teach people to be successful failures.

The church is uniquely equipped to offer ways for people to fail well. Look at Jesus to begin with. He died a miserable failure. He died in poverty, misunderstood, deserted by his closest friends, falsely accused, and mocked. These are hardly qualities that successful leaders aspire to. But what did Jesus do with the reality of his failure? He said, "Into Thy hands I commit my spirit." Our failure too often drives us from God and one another because of guilt or shame. But Jesus teaches us to resist that double failure by drawing near to God.

A reality of failure is a real confusion about what to do next. When we fail we often head back to old habits whether they are good or bad. The dejected and guilt ridden disciples went back to their life of fishing after Jesus' death. The good news is that when we don't have a clue, Jesus pursues us. Remember the Bible says that we didn't choose God, God chose us.

While our failure often scares us off into hiding, our failure doesn't put God off. God comes after us in ways that are shocking - like that father in the prodigal son story. We just as soon let that young man get what he deserves than pull out the party poppers like his father did. But that's what God does with our failure. No finger wagging and shame laced speeches, God comes after us with his embrace.

This brings me to the ultimate "F" word: Forgiveness. The father forgave his successful failure of a son. And Jesus says to all who fail him, "Forgive them for they know not what they do." Embrace forgiveness and you can embrace failure as a reality of our human condition. Embrace forgiveness and you can embrace your limits. Embrace forgiveness and you become a successful failure.

Go ahead and do it! Embrace the "F" word.