Thanks and Wishes

It’s the time of year for Giving Thanks, but also a time of Wishing. This is the first year I have realized how interesting it is that these two seasons (that now seem to land on top of each other) – compliment and also oppose each other.

I think this all became more real for me this week as I taught kids about the 10th commandment; one I admittedly struggle with. Depending on how you want to interpret it – it basically states – be content with what you have and don’t want what your neighbor has. What a lesson for this time of year when we all can come up with a million things to be thankful for and also a million things for our wish list.

It’s easy to start with the things I am thankful for. Most importantly: a wonderful marriage that has survived a few stressful events over the past 10 years, 3 healthy, wonderful children, and dependable friends and family who are always there when I need someone to lean on.

But as I go deeper into my thanks list – my wishes list starts to creep up.

My Thanks and Wishes when I think about my Kelly:

I am SOOO very thankful that she is a healthy little girl who had the fight in her to beat an infection and cancer 4 years ago.
My Wish for her is that she continues to be that healthy girl and will continue to fight against whatever threatens to bring her down.

I am SOOO very thankful that I have a long list of specialists in my phone that are one phone call away, but that we only see once or twice a year at this point.
My Wish is that together those specialists and I can continue to work together to do everything we can to maintain Kelly’s health.

I am SOOOO very thankful that we have jobs and medical insurance that helps us pay for all those specialists and the procedures that make sure we are doing everything we can to keep her healthy.
My Wish for my Kelly is that someone, somewhere (and I don’t do politics) will fix the healthcare system so that medical insurance and medical bills do not dictate Kelly’s choices in life.

I am SOOOO very thankful for St. Jude, Dr. Davidoff, and all the staff there who truly changed the course of Kelly’s (and our) life.
My Wish is that St. Jude will continue to receive the support they need to continue to change children’s lives and find cures for cancer.

I am SOOOO very thankful that Kelly is in Kindergarten, on schedule with her peers, and not receiving special services at this time.
My Wish is for her to feel successful and proud of herself. Life in general is challenging for Kelly and truthfully she struggles just to keep up. I hope that she finds something she enjoys and succeeds at, so she can have the confidence a girl needs to carry her far in life.

Of course my thanks and my wishes for my older two children are unique to each of them, but primarily I am soo very thankful for the unique talents that God has blessed them with and my wishes for them are that they use those gifts to grow into amazing, gracious, and caring individuals.

I guess as we get older people stop asking us for our “wish list” and some adults turn their “wish lists” into “bucket lists.” As some members of my extended family are off around the world, crossing things off their “bucket lists” someone asked me what’s on my “bucket list”. At this point, I have one item on that list.

Chris and I are working on getting 3 kids successfully through school and hopefully college.

Then – maybe 15 years from now – we may just add some things to that list. And you know what – for me – that is a great “bucket list” to have.
Sure, some days I want what my neighbor has, but then I realize and give thanks for what I do have and I am okay with my 1 item “bucket list”.

But when it comes to my 3 children, I will continue to have a million “wishes” for them.

Praying in this season of thanks and wishes that you find more things to be thankful for and that your wishes come true!

Successful Failure

I've decided I need to be more successful at embracing the "F" word. For that matter I encourage you to embrace the "F" word too. Go ahead. You can say it: "Failure." There, don't you feel better already?!

A couple of weeks ago I read an article that suggested the church fails when we fail to teach people how to fail well. It was this line that caught my attention: "Christians need leaders - and institutions - to train us in how to fail."

Train people in how to fail? Admit it. That's liberating! If there's one thing most of us really think we are good at, it is failure.

To be sure, none of us want to be good at the "F" word, but we seem to come by it naturally. We don't even need to practice. And yet, to some extent we are all fearful of failure.

In a recent article on the "F" word, Kathleen Parker observed that our obsession with success and our fear of failure has trickled down to ever-younger humans, our children, at great cost . . . . We're so afraid our kids won't measure up that we drive them crazy with overbooked schedules and expectations, and then create a sense of entitlement by insisting on assigning blame elsewhere when their performance is lackluster.

Why are we so afraid for our kids to fail? Why are we so afraid to fail ourselves?

When the church becomes yet another place where demands are made . . . When we drive people crazy with burdens too heavy to bear and people get the subtle message that they are not good enough, we are no different from the rest of the world.

So how can the church be the church? Train people in how to fail. Teach people to be successful failures.

The church is uniquely equipped to offer ways for people to fail well. Look at Jesus to begin with. He died a miserable failure. He died in poverty, misunderstood, deserted by his closest friends, falsely accused, and mocked. These are hardly qualities that successful leaders aspire to. But what did Jesus do with the reality of his failure? He said, "Into Thy hands I commit my spirit." Our failure too often drives us from God and one another because of guilt or shame. But Jesus teaches us to resist that double failure by drawing near to God.

A reality of failure is a real confusion about what to do next. When we fail we often head back to old habits whether they are good or bad. The dejected and guilt ridden disciples went back to their life of fishing after Jesus' death. The good news is that when we don't have a clue, Jesus pursues us. Remember the Bible says that we didn't choose God, God chose us.

While our failure often scares us off into hiding, our failure doesn't put God off. God comes after us in ways that are shocking - like that father in the prodigal son story. We just as soon let that young man get what he deserves than pull out the party poppers like his father did. But that's what God does with our failure. No finger wagging and shame laced speeches, God comes after us with his embrace.

This brings me to the ultimate "F" word: Forgiveness. The father forgave his successful failure of a son. And Jesus says to all who fail him, "Forgive them for they know not what they do." Embrace forgiveness and you can embrace failure as a reality of our human condition. Embrace forgiveness and you can embrace your limits. Embrace forgiveness and you become a successful failure.

Go ahead and do it! Embrace the "F" word.

Marine Corps Marathon Reflections

Made it through training without significant injury. Have shin splints in left leg and maybe the beginning of stress fracture. But I can still run.

I am at this point because of a community of people who have made it possible to train and run the race. I want to list as many as I can think of here.

Hailey Collins patiently endured the ups and downs of battling rhabdomyosarcoma - beating it once and never stopping the hope for healing. Even when she finished breathing on June 5, all who love her claimed the victory of her belonging to the risen savior. Death has lost its power and sting through Him who keeps us all close to his heart until we rise from the dead like Him in his New Creation. This training and race is to remember Hailey and the resurrection hope with which she lived, died and yet lives in God's New Creation.

My wife Carolyn without whom would not have had the luxury of training. Her support and that of my daughter Julia cannot be measured. What a gift!

Jim and Craig for encouraging me to swim in the lake on Sunday afternoons and hooking me up with Hammer products for recovery. I may never beat you out of the water but I'm faster and stronger for the opportunity to chase you.

Coach Beth with tri team vortex at the YMCA who helped me navigate more than one critical point during training when I may otherwise have lost heart or gotten injured.

Mark for inviting me to suffer through some awesome P90X style workouts with devotions at the YMCA.

Lauren for writing up a great strength training program to keep me going where Mark left off.

Matt for selling me that "cheap" bike, allowing me to do my first triathlon without extreme embarrassment riding my schwinn cruiser.

Paul who agreed to sign up for this thing back in February and run his first marathon with me. We made it through the hard part, now we get to run 26.2 with 30,000 other people through our nation's capitol having raised $2,000 for a great cause. 

In our culture the ordinary is overlooked and long term commitments are undervalued. If we aren't being entertained then we are bored. But some of the most valuable and meaningful things in life could be considered mundane and require strength and commitment to endure. Giving care to someone with with long term illness, staying married through difficult losses, you name it. There are times when we wonder if we are capable of sustaining a life of faithfulness for the long haul. And the truth I've learned in 15 years of ministry and training for endurance events is that no one can do this alone. God clearly loves us personally, but He never intended us to live privately. The truth is that even when you think you are running alone there is a community who has made your running possible and a community who is strengthened by your participation in it. It's a beautiful thing. A glimpse of how God made us.

As Paul and I run this race on sunday, I will be hundreds of miles from the community where I live and worship. Hailey isn't around for us to touch and hug anymore either. But because of the way God made us for community, no matter where I am, I share a connection that transcends physical presence. Thanks be to God for this gift.

This is the only race worth running. I've run hard right to the finish, believed all the way. (2 Timothy 4:7 MSG)

Beginning to Process Grief

In the face of the death of someone we love, particularly the death of a child, we can expect to feel a range of emotions such as sadness, confusion, anger, disbelief, and numbness. While we all face similar feelings, each person's grief response is as unique as we are. The following are ways that both you and your family can take some positive steps in the face of loss.

• Go to the memorial service. The service we will be having for Hailey on Saturday will be intentionally kid friendly. There will be a special message just for the kids, lots of music and some practical ways to find hope in the face of loss. It will be a great way to remember Hailey, celebrate her life, and receive resources to provide comfort and hope in the face of loss.
  
• Light a candle to remember and share memories and feelings. (Hailey loved lighting the candles at the beginning of worship services at Spring of Life to remind us that God – the Light of the World – is with us now through the presence of the Holy Spirit.)
  
• Sad isn't bad. Being sad is normal. We're sad because we love and have a real loss.
  
• Draw a picture or write a letter to Hailey sharing your feelings and memories. We have a booklet called "Remembering my Someone Special" at Spring of Life that you can drop by and pick up. It is a helpful tool for talking to your kids who are 6-12 years of age. We've got another resource for younger kids as well. We will also be creating a scrapbook of pictures, drawings, letters, etc that we will bind and give to the Collins to keep to remember Hailey. You can bring your contribution to the scrapbook by the church anytime.
  
• Make a memory box that you can put things in that remind you of Hailey.
  
• Write a prayer that includes your feelings – sad, mad, glad, scared. It's ok to tell God exactly how you feel. The writers of the book of Psalms did it all the time.
  
• Participate in raising funds for Hailey's Hopes and Hugs Foundation
  
• Allow yourself to have fun and laugh when the time comes. You don't need to feel guilty because the first person who would have joined in the fun and laughter was Hailey.
  

There are some important life lessons that we can learn through this time. There are some well-meaning things that we might think are helpful but really are not. Here are some of those things:

• Saying, "She's in a better place so we shouldn't be sad." Really, by faith we believe that Hailey is not hurting anymore and that she is with God in a new way that none of us really understand. But our loss is still very real and being sad is a natural feeling God gives us to deal with losing someone we love.
  
• Saying, "God must have needed her more than we did." Or "God must have needed another angel in heaven." Really, God didn't cause Hailey to die. Cancer did. God didn't give Hailey cancer. We aren't sure how she got it. It is just one of those things that happens that we don't understand. Our faith teaches us that one day we will rise from the dead like Jesus when he comes again in final victory. We will have new resurrection bodies that will never die. All this is a gift from God through Jesus. It is God's will that we be healed and well which not only means personally feeling well, but also being in community with one another. This is why God makes such a big deal about forgiveness. That is the way God heals community. God will find ways to take this horrible loss and use it for his purposes, just like God took the horrible death of Jesus on the cross and used it for his purpose to bring new life to the world.
  

If you don't really know what to say then that's ok. In the face of Job's great loss the best thing his friends did was sit with him and weep without saying a word for seven days (See Job 2:11-13). It was when they opened their mouth that things went south. If you are looking for something to say, then say how you feel rather than trying to say something clever. It's always good to say "I love you." Or share about a memory of Hailey that you will always remember. But remember that it is your presence and friendship that will mean the most at this time.

A Lament in the Context of Enduring Faith

Nicolas Wolterstorff's son died when he was 22 and he writes about his grief and loss in the book, "Lament for a Son." Wolterstorff writes this, "I must explore The Lament as a mode for my address to God. Psalm 42 is a lament in the context of a faith that endures. Lament and trust are in tension, like wood and string in a bow."
When a child dies, it is an unspeakable loss for a parent. There are no answers to our questions, "Why them and not me? Why a child when there is so much life unlived? Why would God watch them die and do nothing? Why would God watch us suffer such loss?"
Still more unspeakable a loss is to say, "There must be no God since my questions have no answers." Perhaps the faith we once had will never be the same. But like a tree whose leaves turn in the fall, drop in the winter and bud again in the spring, our faith can be born anew – similar in shape, but altogether new, different, changed by time, age, death and life.
In the midst of our own loss, we might find ourselves drawn to others who have walked this path ahead of us. I want to quiz them like I would someone who is exiting a frightening roller coaster. "You survived?! What was it like? If you made it, do you think I'd make it?"
The Bible is filled with the witness of those exiting the roller coaster and making their way by the Spirit of God onto the next one which carries yet untold adventure. The words are a tension of lament and trust.
I couldn't imagine walking the path of lament in any other context than enduring faith. Maybe it isn't always "my" faith. Sometimes it is the faith of others - others who believe and trust when I can't, like the church and Jesus himself.
A quote from mother Teresa that has helped me pray through the years comes to mind: "When times come when we can't pray, it is very simple: if Jesus is in my heart, let Him pray, let Him talk to His Father in the silence of my heart. Since I cannot speak, He will speak; since I cannot pray, He will pray."
The writer of Psalm 42 says, "My tears have been my food day and night. I remember," he says, "how it was when joy was still my lot, how I used to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng. Now it's different. I am downcast, disturbed. Yet I find that faith is not dead. So I say to myself, 'Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.' But then my grief returns and again I lament to God my Rock: 'Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy? Again faith replies: Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."
Wolterstorff reflects on this Psalm: "Back and forth, lament and faith, faith and lament, each fastened to the other."
A lament in the context of faith that endures. Through a veil of tears we can say, "Thanks be to God."

Better Ways to Be a Fool

Last Sunday I preached a sermon on the church's understanding of Jesus' coming again to judge the living and the dead. In many ways it was a response to the group of Christians who have been publicizing that they have pinpointed Jesus return to judge the world this Saturday, May 21 at 6:00 p.m.

As I explain in the sermon last week, the Bible does say Jesus will return, but it also says we don't know when. Everyone who has predicted a day and time of Jesus' return in the past has ended up wrong and looking like a fool. In some ways this reminds me of old wounds from Junior High School. I don't like looking like a fool. And whether I like it or not, I'm guilty by association. If, Jesus hasn't appeared by 6:01 p.m. on Saturday, then once again followers of Jesus come off looking naive, paranoid, manipulative, untrustworthy and well . . . foolish.

Of course it shouldn't take long for followers of Jesus to realize that looking like a fool comes with the territory. The apostle Paul knew as much when he said to the church in Corinth: "We proclaim Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles."

If I'm going to be a fool for Christ, I want to be a fool for better reasons than claiming to know something only God knows. Or for burning someone else's holy book. Or for proclaiming God's hatred for people because of their lifestyle. The world sees all those things as foolish (because they are), but I think there are better reasons for Christians to be a fool.

Why not let's be fools for loving our enemies and praying for those who persecute us. Let's be fools by resisting the "me first," consumer culture by living within our means and giving generously to others. Let's be fools by refusing to participate in gossip at work. Let's be fools for refusing to look at porn. Let's be fools by not having sex before we get married and then when we do only with our spouse. Let's be fools by using vacation time to serve the poor, widowed, orphaned and strangers in our land. Let's be fools by choosing to do the work God calls us to rather than what might make us more money or make a name for ourselves. Let's be fools by speaking the truth in love.

Yes, being a fool goes with the territory, but let's be fools for Jesus sake.

When the Sermon Doesn’t Seem Like it’s for You.

I got to brag about my church this week. I meet with a group of other clergy guys about three times a year for a couple of days. We call it our "covenant group." There are six of us who all serve different United Methodist Churches in Florida. We've been getting together like this for 13 years. My friendship with these guys will be one of the reasons I'll make it to retirement in the ministry (if I should be so blessed to live that long). They inspire me. They make me laugh. They keep me honest. They hold me accountable to be who God called me to be.

This week they listened to me brag about how 60 people in my church made 6 very significant commitments for living in financial peace for a lifetime. Those commitments are:

1. Acknowledge daily that 100% of my resources belong to God.
2. Assign every dollar a name – to spend it on paper and on purpose first (in other words live on a budget).
3. Eliminate debt and live debt-free.
4. Train my children to handle money God's way.
5. Save and Invest.
6. Give a tithe.

SIXTY people made a commitment to God that they would do all six of those things. SIXTY PEOPLE! The average congregation of 180 adults in North America has about 6 people who do all those things.

I also got to brag that 59 people worked for the last 90 days to reduce their consumer debt by nearly $281,000 and saved $92,000. And I got to brag that my church has begun 8 new ministries in our community since the end of last year. And 30 couples renewed their wedding vows in worship a few weeks back. For some of those couples that was the first time they had made marriage vows with God at the center.

I am so proud of the hard work that my church has done to get to this point!

But it also occurred to me that there are several people in my church who probably wondered how any of these recent sermons had anything to do with them. After all, we've got several single people at Spring of Life and we've got a few folks who had been living these 6 commitments to financial peace for a long time.

I honestly wouldn't have blamed them if they took the last three and a half months off from worship. In our culture we are formed to think about "what we're going to get out of it?" Or "what's in it for me?" And if we aren't going to "get anything out of it" then we consider it a waste of time and do something else.

Why on earth would anyone keep coming to worship and sit through three and a half months of sermons that really didn't directly address their issues? I think because they understand that coming to worship is as much about forming a community as it is about inspiring individuals.

The Apostle Paul spoke a lot about the church as "the Body of Christ." He said that we are all like different part of Jesus' body (fingers, toes, eyes, ears, hands, feet, arms, legs). While the hands are working and growing, the body still needs the rest of its parts to function well.

During these past three and a half months some body parts were working harder than others, but all their hard work was, in a significant way, made possible by those who quietly surrounded them with prayer, support and encouraging presence.

I know that there are times when I come to worship where I don't sing. I just listen to the voices of all those who are around me singing the songs of our faith. They don't realize it but their voices are carrying and lifting me higher than I would have been if I had just been there by myself in private devotion.

So I want to brag like Paul bragged about the people in his church when he said, "I thank my God every time I remember you, constantly praying with joy in every one of my prayers for all of you, because of your sharing in the gospel from the first day until now." Philippians 1:3-5

Whether you realize it or not – whether the sermons touched you or not – God has been using you to form a community that is stronger today than we were 90 days ago! Thanks for coming to worship.